sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
