Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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