pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
