So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
