She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
