You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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