I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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