Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
