I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
