so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
