No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
