What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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