My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
