You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
