...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
and you fell through a lawn chair
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
