thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
