True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
