Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Randomize
