My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
