I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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