apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
