If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
