im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
