you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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