went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
