Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
