im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
