Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
