I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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