if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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