The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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