I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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