he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
