we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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