You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
