Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
