I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
