it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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