Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
