Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
