Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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