come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
