3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
