And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
