I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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