i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
