i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
