I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
