Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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