Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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