How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
