dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
