drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
