you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
