Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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